Myth of great Indian Wedding
Vidya Bhushan Rawat
(THE ASIAN INDEPENDENT) Indians simply love fat weddings. We recently saw the wedding of ‘meritorious’ son of an extraordinarily powerful Business family, which is being ‘claimed’ as marriage of the century where celebrities of spineless tinsel world as well as hypocrite political class from India and big corporate network from different part of the world joined hand and celebrated. Ofcourse, a big number of saffron robe Mahatmas and Babas were seen cherishing the moment at the truly ‘sanatan’ wedding making every ‘Hindu’ proud of the great achievement. For the last six months, we being provided ‘clips’ of the fat Indian wedding now being projected as an ideal wedding with lectures by the tycoon and his better half. The nation is being ‘obliged’ with these ‘personal’ clips of celebrities and star ‘behaving’ as ‘common’ person. Everybody is not speaking about bride and groom but the ultimate mom, her sarees, accessories and great talks of ‘wisdom’ about our ‘great’ ‘culture’ including ‘kanyadan’. The babas and sadhus who give great gyan on how and what should an ideal ‘Hindu’ woman should wear, were silently enjoying the warmth filled with aroma of artificiality. Many people have criticized for such lavish expenditure done on the marriage while others found it as ‘grapes’ turning sour for those who are criticizing it. Many of those who went to attend the wedding said that people should not bother about the extraordinary expenses incurred as ultimately it helped creating ‘work’ and business hence thousands of people must have benefitted from it.
While such kind of exhibition of power connection by industrialists, journalists, public personalities always happened in the past and Page 4 came into prominence due to such gossips which the Indian middle classes aspire and hence more eager to watch and listen to such things in both shock and awe. In the 1980s, a fat Indian wedding in Gwalior was the talk of the town. Yes, Madhavrao Scindia’s daughter’s wedding got huge criticism in the media for lavishness. Media criticized it but it may not be possible for the Manustream media to even question anything on the same. The Brahmanical elite want to find ways and means to justify its actions but one fact is these marriages are place for networking as well as showing your strength. In the Bombay’s tinsel world, it was Raj Kapoor who started his envious parties particularly that on Holi and hence got named as greatest Showman of Indian Cinema. Industrialists, most of the time, rarely displayed their wealth but in the 1990s, Subrato Roy of Sahara India changed that and his Sahara City in Lucknow became a centre of activity for all power elite of the country. Cinema stars, cricketers, politicians, literary figures etc, all used to be at Sahara city in Lucknow for specific events. Mulayam Singh Yadav, Chandrashekhar, Amitabh Bachchan, Anil Ambani, Sachin Tendulkar, Jayaprada and Amar Singh were the lead stars of Sahara events but that is past now.
Reliance started by Dhiru Bhai Ambani used the power connection to rise high. Connections with Gandhis was used well but that became the bone of contention between Rajiv Gandhi and his finance Minister Vishwnath Pratap Singh. Indian Express and Nusli Wadia played a big role in aggravating it further as Editor Arun Shourie then launched an extremely personal campaign against Reliance. That was the time when Income Tax notices had been served to various industrialists and they complained against the finance minister and soon VP was shunted out of the Finance Ministry rather unceremoniously and made Defence Minister. Anyway, that showed the power of corporate in India who could get an honest and effective finance minister, out of ministry as he was seeking accountability from them and acting against the wrong. Corporate succeeded in drawing room maneuvers but VP won the war of perception in the masses as the lone fighter against corruption and the result was Congress’s down fall politically.
UPA governments under Dr Man Mohan Singh was the best period for corporate houses to strengthen them and it was said that Pranab Mukherjee was the biggest friend of Ambanis.
So, the corporate politician’s relationship is well known. The Gandhi family decided not to attend the wedding was an important political decision since Rahul Gandhi had been speaking about the corruption of the corporate in his political rallies so it was good for him to keep away from it. Actually, given the powerful media adversary, this decision was good otherwise this media would have trashed his entire future campaigns. It is another matter that all the near dear ones of Gandhis were there in the wedding but yes this is pure politics. Right from Mamta to Lalu family, Akhilesh Family, all were present. The exceptions were left parties, M K Stalin and BSP chief Miss Mayawati but we don’t know whether they were invited or not. The sad part is that it is a poor reflection of our political class and democracy itself and how most of the colonial democracies are now controlled by the corrupt corporate. The slogans of ‘’social justice’ and ‘secularism’ look empty and rhetorical when you hear these champions speaking again.
Earthy wisdom of Jitan Ram Manjhi
One does not know why the Indian’s are so obsessed with these fatty weddings but the reality is today these obscene weddings are made to look glorious in the artificial surroundings of glamour. We are told that marriage is a personal affair and everyone has a right to do what they wish to but was this a personal affair when state apparatus was being used and roads were closed and airports converted into private domain to ensure the guests reach the venue without any hassle. That apart, not only are the social media pages but the corporate media too made every effort to push them into our minds with an attempt to legitimize everything. Even when the marriage is over, we are still being provided the clips of ‘’words of wisdom’ by the Ambanis and the casteist middle class is simply over joyed claiming ‘it is his money and he can do anything. The jaati elite want us to believe that we should mind our business and focus on our work but then it is not that simple. Why are these gossip clips being released or planted every day. Do we rejoice that India has got a new Badshah and begum. The Babas are overwhelmed about this ‘love for Indian values’’ by one of the most powerful men in India. I really loved what Jitan Ram Manjhi, the Union Minister said when someone asked him whether he would attend the marriage or not. He said, ‘We are from rural background. It is complete waste of money. The women present there were wearing revealing dresses which for him looked obscene hencein such a situation, how could one take his wife, daughter and daughter-in-law there? Hence, we did not go there. He further said: “As we would not be able to settle in that richness and grandeur, that is why we did not go there. That wedding is only and only a display of money. That was not a wedding but a display of money.”
One may or may not agree with Jitan Ram Manjhi but most of the religious gurus and Babas who give enormous preaching to women and girls about how to wear and what as per Bhartiya Sanskriti kept quiet on the entire episode. Perhaps, they are happy that the son of one of the richest persons in the world did not marry a Gori or Christian woman and that is enough for Bhartiya Sanskriti. The fact that all the right-wing echo system is celebrating because it gives justification to divinely ordained Brahmanical value system where marriage is not between two ‘individuals’ but two ‘families’ as Nita Ambani said so ‘graciously’. None ask the question whether these two families should be from the same ‘caste’ or not. We are then given the ‘gyan’ or wisdom of greatness of ‘Kanyadan’ and how ‘daughters’ are ‘blessings and that marriage is not a promise for one life but seven lives. Everybody enjoy such ‘spiritual’ talks of ‘saatjanmokaabandhan’ i.e. ‘seven lives bond’ and we had so many songs, films celebrating this ‘seven lives promise’. Indians after all don’t live in their present. They either rejoice of the golden past or think of a diamond future. For a majority of Indians, the present has become ‘uncertain’ because of such big talks which delivers little on the ground. Most of the time, the girl’s parents in India complain having fulfilled all the requirement of the boy and yet things went bad because boy’s parents were greedy. Basically, people try everything to put their ‘best foot forward by succumbing to dowery demands and yet things go hopelessly wrong. Dowry is a big issue and such lavish weddings only promote that. Dowry deaths and domestic violence against women continue unabated in India and a majority of them under pressure of protecting ‘’culture and society’ don’t even dare to file cases in the police. ‘According to the National Family Health Survey (NFHS), 2019-2021, [i]29.3 per cent of married Indian women between the ages of 18 and 49 have experienced domestic/sexual violence; 3.1 per cent of pregnant women aged 18 to 49 have suffered physical violence during their pregnancy. It further says that 87 per cent of married women who are victims of marital violence do not seek help’.
Another serious matter is the crisis of our marriage system and concept attached to it. While such ‘concept’ look beautiful when everything is great but turn horrific when a crisis emerge in the marriage as it virtually close all the doors particularly for women once the marriage is either broken or the spouse is no more. India is considered to be one of those countries where widowhood is actually a curse as she suffers in silence. The seven lives wonderful bond theory is actually close all option of a remarriage for her. ‘Widowhood is defined as the status of an individual who was legally married to someone who subsequently died. As per the 2011 census, there are 5.6 crore widowed persons in India. Women outnumber men accounting for nearly 78% of total widowed population. Between 2001 and 2011, 89.71 lakh widowed persons were added’[ii]. It is over 13 years I can vouch this number is much bigger now as we are in 2024.
The crisis is that a young woman married recently can’t think of remarriage according to social taboos. We have just heard the story of an army officer who got sacrificed at the Jammu Kashmir border and was awarded Kirti Chakra by the President of India for his valiant efforts to protect the country. Every one saw the sober looking young widow with her mother-in-law at the Rashtrapati Bhavan during the award ceremony. After a few days, we got an interview by the parents of the officer that their daughter in law has left to her parents’ house and that they did not get anything in terms of financial compensation as their daughter in law got everything. These things are happening and particularly making parents very vulnerable where the parents are depended on their sons but it is unfortunate that even where the parents are financially independent, the cultural taboos force them to behave like that. The problem in such cases is the feeling of ‘autonomy’ of a woman to decide about herself and it has pure relation with finance and property. Due to pressure, many of the parents can boast that they are not against remarriage of their daughter in law if she is ready to marry some one else in the family particularly younger brother. The whole idea behind such thing is about the money and property to remain with in the family. Many time, parents of the boy or girl are worried about her children ( if she has) being maltreated if she marries someone else outside the family. These are serious questions and frankly speaking indicative of a cultural crisis that we are greatly trapped in and which need to be corrected and not defended in the name of ‘holy tradition’.
Inspiring Life of Jacqueline Kennedy
Before, I conclude, it is important to read the inspiring story of Jacqueline B Kennedy, wife of one of the most popular American President John F Kennedy who assumed office on January 20th, 1961. Jacqueline was 31 then and had two children. On November 22,1963 President Kennedy was shotat Dallas, Texas when he was riding a Presidential motorcade. The bullet pierce his head and it fell down at the lap of Jacqueline who was brave enough to carry her husband to a hospital where he died. Americans saw it on their TV channels how Jacqueline Kennedy remained calm and dignified even at the biggest personal loss of her life. After some time, she focused on building a memorial of her late husband. In 1968, Jacqueline married a shipping magnate Aristotle Onassis and continued with her creative work. There was no hue and cry of her decision which was personal in nature and none thought of commenting on her. In 1975 her second husband passed away and Jacqueline was widow again. These wounds of life did not deter her following her much desired path of public service which she continued. She was a celebrity who devoted herself to charities and creative work including being an editor of a magazine. On May 19, 1994 she passed away and was laid to rest near her husband John F Kennedy.
The way forward
It would be better for us to understand the gravity of our social crisis which ultimately affect both men and women. Let us not hide the dirty discriminatory practices in the garb of ‘glorious’ ‘traditions. The weddings where tradition is hyped are nothing but a legitimization of inequal social order which we refuse to accept. Anyway, how many of you noticed the parents of the bride in the ‘wedding of century’. Well, you might not have but that is what our marriages are where bride’s family has to just stand with folded hand and wait for the ‘comments’ of the bridegroom. Our Barats and shadis are the best reflection of the prevailing Brahmanical patriarchy in our society.
Let us not worry about seven lives and focus on making our lives better here and for that our constitutional values should become our morality. Let us make it clear that it is only the constitutional morality that will ensure us a strong and united India where citizens have equal rights irrespective of their gender and religion. Let the women of India remember Baba Saheb Ambedkar for his historical work through the Hindu Code Bill. Remember, those glorifying and glamouring the iniquitous order are the same who opposed the Hindu Code Bill abused Jawahar Lal Nehru and Baba Saheb Ambedkar. It is time we take a few lessons from our history and move ahead.
